LGBTQ+ Pronouns: Complete Guide to Use & Allyship

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We're Delwin and Jimmy, co-founders of Proud Zebra, a queer-owned Canadian small business designing pride pins and accessories from the Lower Mainland, BC. Pronouns come up constantly at our pride festival booths: kids asking how to talk about their non-binary friend, parents wanting to support a trans child, allies trying to do this right and worried about messing up.

They/Them Pronoun Pins

She/Her Pronoun Pins

This is the canonical Proud Zebra guide to LGBTQ pronouns and pronoun allyship: what they are, how to use them, what to do when you mess up, and why this stuff actually matters. It's part of our complete guide to LGBTQ+ pride flags and identities.

What are pronouns and why do pronouns matter?

Pronouns are the words we use to refer to someone in the third person. Instead of saying "Delwin loves Delwin's dog," we say "Delwin loves his dog." That "his" is a pronoun. Every person uses pronouns; it's just that for cis people, theirs are usually assumed correctly without question.

The importance of pronouns comes down to this: they're a tiny, constant act of recognition. When someone uses your correct pronouns, you don't notice. When they use the wrong ones, you notice every time. For trans and non-binary people, hearing the wrong pronouns over and over is exhausting at best and dangerous at worst, repeated misgendering correlates with measurably higher rates of depression and anxiety, as documented in research from The Trevor Project.

The flip side: using someone's correct pronouns is one of the smallest, easiest, most meaningful things you can do to make queer and trans people feel safer. It costs nothing and it's not optional. That's why pronouns matter in LGBTQ communities, and why pronoun allyship is one of the easiest, highest-impact things a cis ally can practice.

What are the most common pronouns?

The three most common pronoun sets in English are:

Display your pronoun pins

"They/them" used as a singular pronoun has been part of English since at least the 1300s. It's not a recent invention; it's just been more visibly used for individual people over the last 15 years. Both Merriam-Webster and the Oxford English Dictionary recognize singular "they" as standard English.

Many people use multiple pronoun sets. Common combinations include "she/they," "he/they," "they/she," and "any pronouns." If someone shares more than one set, you can use either, or alternate. When in doubt, ask.

What are neopronouns?

Colourful blocks arranged to spell out the word Non-Binary

Neopronouns are newer pronoun sets that fall outside he/she/they. For the full deep-dive on each set with declension tables, history, and example sentences, see our neopronouns guide. The most common include:

Neopronouns sound new because the most common ones are recent (xe/xem appears in academic proposals from at least the 1970s, fae/faer emerged in the 2010s). The concept of new pronouns isn't new, English has invented new pronouns multiple times throughout history; they/them itself was once a "new" usage that took centuries to settle.

Using neopronouns correctly takes practice. A useful approach: read sentences with the new pronoun aloud a few times until your brain adjusts. "Fae went to faer car. The keys are in faer pocket." After a couple of practice runs, neopronouns feel as natural as he/she/they.

How do I ask someone their pronouns? (asking pronouns at work and in everyday life)

My pronouns are sign

Asking pronouns gets easier with practice, whether you're meeting someone for the first time, onboarding a new teammate, or introducing yourself in a workshop. The cleanest way to learn someone's pronouns is to share yours first. It signals openness without putting pressure on the other person, and it gives them a model for how to answer.

Examples that work:

• "Hi, I'm Delwin and I use he/him pronouns. What about you?"
• "Just so I'm not assuming, what pronouns do you use?"
• "I want to make sure I refer to you correctly. What pronouns work for you?"

What to avoid: "Are you a boy or a girl?" or "What are you?" These read as gender interrogation rather than respectful clarification. The goal is to ask about pronouns specifically, not to demand someone justify their gender to you.

Sharing pronouns in your own introductions, even when you're cis and your pronouns are "obvious," helps. It normalizes the practice and signals safety to trans and non-binary people in the room. For pronouns at work specifically, email signatures, Slack profiles, conference name badges, and social media bios are all useful places to add yours.

What do I do if I misgender someone?

A protest sign reading get used to it

Mistakes happen, especially when you're learning new pronouns or someone has recently changed theirs. The right response is short and unfussy:

1. Correct yourself immediately. "I went to the store with him, sorry, with them, yesterday."
2. Briefly apologize. "Sorry, I'm still getting used to it." Or just "sorry, my mistake."
3. Move on. Don't dwell. Don't make the person you misgendered comfort you. Don't launch into a long explanation of why you got it wrong.

The over-apology trap is real. If you spend ten minutes explaining how sorry you are, you've now made the person you misgendered responsible for managing your guilt about it. They didn't sign up for that. A short, sincere correction and forward motion is the gold standard.

If you find yourself misgendering the same person repeatedly, practice their pronouns out loud when they're not around. Use them in casual conversation about that person with mutual friends. The practice rewires the habit faster than thinking about it does.

Why does sharing pronouns matter for allies?

The acronym LGBTQIA+ written

This is one of the most useful things cisgender allies can do. When a cis person shares their pronouns, they take pressure off trans and non-binary people in the room, because now sharing pronouns is something everyone does, not a thing only queer people do that singles them out.

Ways to share yours:

• Email signature: "Delwin Tan (he/him)"
• Slack / Teams profile: add to display name
• Social media bio: "she/her" or "they/she"
• Name badge at conferences and events
• In introductions at meetings: "Hi, I'm Jimmy and I use he/him."

None of this is performative if you actually use other people's pronouns correctly when you encounter them. The signal works because it's consistent.

"And now my homophobic co-workers can't complain about dress code regarding lanyards. (break-aways only!)"

Joey, on our inclusive pride lanyard

Pronoun pins, lanyards, and stickers are a low-friction way to make pronouns visible at work. We design he/him, she/her, and they/them pins specifically for this, the pin does the work of saying "I take this seriously" without requiring you to make a speech. For more on supporting trans colleagues and friends beyond pronouns, see our guide to supporting trans people.

He/Him Pronoun Pins

Frequently asked questions

Is using "they" for a single person grammatically correct?

Yes. Singular "they" has been part of English since at least the 1300s and is recognized as standard English by Merriam-Webster, the Oxford English Dictionary, and the AP Stylebook. Using "they" for a person whose pronouns you don't know, or whose pronouns are they/them, is grammatically correct.

Person

Carrying the conversation forward

Pronouns aren't a political statement, a fad, or a special favour. They're a tiny, constant act of mutual recognition, and they cost the speaker nothing while meaning a great deal to the person being addressed correctly. The bar for getting this right is genuinely low: ask, listen, practice, correct yourself when you mess up, and move on.

Chart Of LGBTQ+ themed enamel pins

For the deeper picture of LGBTQ+ identity, our complete pride flags guide covers 35+ identity flags. If you want to make pronouns visible day-to-day, our pride pins collection has pronoun-specific pins, lanyards, and accessories.

We've donated $10,219.58 CAD to LGBTQ+ organizations to date, including Rainbow Refugee, Covenant House Vancouver, BC pride societies, and our charity-pin partners (GLSEN, Out on Screen, CBRC, UNYA, and previously Sayoni). See our donations page for the full list. Every order helps that number grow.